The diary of Miss Katherine Barlow
by ThatGirlCalledGrace
Summary: the diary showing the true emotional feelings of the outlaw
1. Chapter 1

The diary of me, Katherine Barlow.

Hey. My name is Miss Katherine Barlow, and I am a teacher at Green lake school. I've lived out by the lake all of my life. It is so beautiful there, just like seeing snow for the first time. In the summer I take my pupils up into the banks of the lake, and we search for crabs in the rock pools. Even I hitch up my skirt and splash about with the children in the lake. But the most amazing part of it is watching the sunset at the end of a long, tiring day and seeing the incredible way the lights dip and shine against the cool colours of the waves. It's like watching your very own lights show, free of charge!

That's not the most amazing part of the lake however. For it is what lies on the lake that holds us all so very close. And also what travels upon it.

As I write this I catch a glimpse of my paradise island, glittering with love, devotion and a whole world of our own. For I caught a glimpse of the most cherished dreamboat, and its rider, Sam.

Sam is the town's onion man. He's a hardworking, wonderful, kind, generous and extremely handsome man who looks after the town with his "magic" onions. Everyone goes to him when they need help about anything, and his onions save the day.

But life just has to be cruel. Sam is also black. A nigger. A slave and a damn bastard nigger, as people say. And I love him. Why can't we just be in our own different world, separate from these monsters and sail away on Sam's dream boat to Paradise Island? But all of that is just a fantasy to me. That world is a dream, and I'm stuck in reality.

I'm sorry if this page is splattered now, for I will keep this forever and look back when perhaps the world has changed. But sadly, I don't think it ever will.

Now I sit and wait. Wait for when life will truly mean something to me. Wait for something to come. Wait for each day to end. Wait for each day to begin. Wait for feeling. Wait for love. Wait.


	2. Chapter 2

As you can see by the front of my diary, everything has changed. I am not the same person I was before in the last diary entry. I may look the same, have the same eyes, the same face, the same figure, the same handwriting, but I am a whole new different person. Something has changed my life forever, and every day I wish I could just curl up and die. Here is what has happened to me.

So you heard a little bit about Sam – ok a lot! You know he made me smile so much I could feel my face cracking! All these amazing lines for his onions, like "Rub this on your husbands head every morning Mrs Brown, and he'll be growing hair as long and fine as Mary-Lou's tail!" Stuff like that. But it really does work! All his crazy concoctions worked, or else it must have been Doc Hawthorns medicines – nobody knew!

Well, Sam and his Mary-Lou were selling their onions, and I was upset because of the schoolhouse. I've complained about the schoolhouse too many times to repeat them here, so you know why I was crying. Well, Sam just marched right in and said "Miss Katherine, why are you crying?"

"The roofs leaking, and it's been raining for so long."

"I can fix that."

I stared at him in disbelief behind my tears.

"Sam, you aint telling me that your onion paste fills up holes in the roof!"

Sam laughed at me, then smiled his incredibly exquisite smile, that made my heart almost beat out of my body.

"No! I'm just good with my hands."

It was so nice him being in the schoolhouse with me. We talked very little, but I still enjoyed it when we did. It wasn't enough for me though. I just had to see him. So I asked him again to help me out with the windows, the door, the desk… till everything was fixed. The schoolhouse was immaculately immaculate, and there was nothing left to fix. Apart from me. I had had the most amazing time whilst he was working there – I felt we were so close, yet so far away. I just wanted to reach out and touch him. But I couldn't.

One day (it was a Wednesday, but that doesn't matter), one very wet rainy day (and that does matter) I just couldn't stand it any longer. Sam was outside in the rain, so I dashed across to him and gave him the biggest hug I could ever give. He looked down into my eyes.

"Are you all right Miss Katherine?"

"Oh Sam, my heart is breaking!"

"I can fix that." I looked up into his warm, hazel eyes, and we kissed. It was the most amazing kiss I had ever been given. It felt like it was only me and him in the world, and it didn't matter what we were, where we were – at least we were together.

But that ended as fast as it had started. The next day, I awoke to the horror of people burning down my wonderful schoolhouse – our wonderful schoolhouse- and the stupid oaf Trout Walker on a stupid horse ruining everything. I ran to the Sheriffs cabin, and told him what the people were doing to my precious school.

He just laughed at me and asked for a kiss. It was obviously drunk. He said he was going to hang someone. Sam. I begged and pleaded him to not do it. I said they should hang me too, because I kissed him back! He laughed at that too. He even said that if I gave him a kiss, he would just banish Sam from the town for good. I stormed out to find Sam, my Sam, ready to set sail on the boat.

"Sam!" I cried out to him, as he started to move Mary-Lou into the boat.

"Sam! Quick! We need to get out. They is gonna hang you Sam! Hurry!"

Sam looked at me, and understood what I had said. I was so scared; I didn't want my love to die.

"Let's leave Mary-Lou here" I said, thinking that with her on the boat we wouldn't be able to go as fast.

"But what if they hurt her…" Sam started, but I had to interrupt him; the people were coming.

"Hurry Sam! We need to go! "

"I love you." He whispered to me, and we set sail.

I don't want to go on. I hate to remember that dreadful day. Let's just say that we had no speed against Trout's power boat. And I had the love of my life die in my arms.

A week after Sam's death, I went into the sheriff's cabin, applied a coat of red lipstick, shot him, and gave him the kiss he asked for.

When Sam died, a part of me died with him. I just hated this place, this town, this world, for taking away the only thing I truly cared for. I wanted to get back at them, those atrocious racist killers who stole away my soul. I wanted to be different, I wanted to be exciting. I wanted to not be me. I've changed myself into an Outlaw, and have stolen so much money I can't bear to look at it. I just want to die. I want to be with Sam.

Kissing Kate Barlow

xoxox


End file.
